Autumn Blur

Autumn is a very hazy time. Leaves fall, nature dies, and everything just seems to die with it. And yet, no matter how tired/sad/moody/indifferent I find myself feeling every autumn, it is definitely one of my favourite seasons.

I’m the type of person who weirdly enjoys feeling melancholic. When you are sad, you have the opportunity to rethink things, re-evaluate goals and gain a better understanding of who you are. Happiness, on the other hand, is like a professional camera with the brightness turned all the way up – in focus, yet unpleasantly blinding. Sounds pretty deep, but I did warn you that this season turns me into a weird existential mess. It’s not like I lie in bed all day: I still have university, with all its endless group projects and exams and assignments; I still have a part-time job; I still try to get my ass to the gym more or less regularly – as well as out, just to ensure that I still have a (more-or-less) good social life. Yet everything becomes blurred, sleepy, weird – unreal.

Time loses its grip during autumn. The days just seem to gradually grow from one to the next, without any particular feeling of what date it is, or even what hour of the day. In fact, I am almost convinced that Lewis Carroll wrote “Alice in Wonderland” based on how many experience the months of September, October and November – you have a vague idea of who you are, yet nothing around you seems to make sense.

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On The Peculiarity of Life

I didn’t expect to be gone for over ten days, but I also didn’t expect things many things. The last couple of weeks have been busy, messy and full of surprises. Suddenly there were so many things to do/sort; from work, to medical, to personal – which always happens before I go to Greece for some reason. I’m also required to drink this tiny pill for a few months, which is pretty light in general but occasionally causes the annoying side-effect of insomnia. Guess who got lucky.

Anyway, all of this chaos got me thinking about how weird life can get. When you really think into things, life starts to seem like one big trip. No, seriously. You’re born pretty much by chance, and then spend the rest of your years feeling like you’re the center of the universe before your body shuts down one day and hell knows what happens next. But while you’re still alive, you experience things in a very particular way, and automatically assume that others must be feeling life the same way. But when you think about it, they don’t.

See, this is the part that really gets me. Because you’re YOU, everything you see/touch/smell/hear/taste is filtered through your own personal prism of how you experience things. And that’s why we automatically assume that everyone probably has the same general feelings towards the concept of life. But it’s not like that in reality.

Before you think I’m on some kind of drug (God, I love G-Eazy references), I do not condone substance abuse, so I’m really not about the stoner life. It’s just something that’s been on my mind lately, and as much as I’m keeping this blog more “serious” than my last, you are going to get some trippy philosophical posts from time to time.

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Switching Up My Game

Unlike many other seemingly “beginner” blogs, this blog is actually not my first one. Moreover, this is not my first experience with WordPress.

Prior to this, I had been actively running a more personally-oriented blog for a total of one year and nine months – just about enough time to have a child and raise it to the stage of development where it is capable of trashing the whole house. By the way, this was a theoretical scenario; as much as I love to dote over little children, I don’t plan on dropping everything to have a kid at twenty years young. Alright, let’s not get sidetracked.

As I mentioned, I had a “baby blog” before this one (apologies for all the random maternal references), but it just wasn’t doing it for me anymore. Don’t get me wrong – I’m very proud of every single one of my posts, and very appreciative of all my followers. However, I think it’s time to move on to something more serious than just random ramblings on the topic of my life, feelings, internal monologues etc. I have this persistent urge to discuss more than just the occurrences in my daily life; after all, one of the biggest human errors is forgetting that there is a world outside of one’s little bubble, and I want to work on that.

So, what is this blog going to be about? Since I hate categorizing, and am not too particularly fond of planning things that are difficult to plan, I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Right now, I envision a wide range of posts covering world events, society, culture, philosophy, psychology, entertainment, literature and my own take on the complicated mess we refer to as the Modern Civilization. Although I’m not too certain on the direction this blog will take, I know one thing for sure; if you stick with me, I guarantee that you will not regret that fateful moment you decided to click “follow”. See you soon.