Let’s Talk About Honesty

I think people liked me more when I wasn’t me. Okay cut!

A couple of years back I decided that it would be easier to navigate through life if I was just a bit more honest and upfront with people. No more “fake nice”, no more “pretending not to care when I do” and definitely no more holding back. Although it became easier for me in some sense because I no longer had to pretend that I somehow had less feelings, I noticed that people were beginning to treat me differently.

Now, I’m not trying to say that my whole life turned upside down because I decided to be more real, but there were definitely some changes – both positive and negative. Concerning the upsides, I became much better at giving advice because I no longer tried to protect people’s feelings by not telling them what they did wrong in a certain situation. I also cared less what people thought about me, because there was no image to uphold – when you’re you, you’re you. Period. But it almost seemed as though more people were beginning to dislike me, avoid me and generally consider me a bit of a bitch. And not only a bitch, but too open about stuff that seemed taboo, or too upfront when it came to solving problems and letting people know what they did wrong (notice how this also became a negative).

But most importantly, being honest had the absolute weirdest effect on my relationships. I would meet someone, begin dating them and as soon as they got to know me better things would go downhill. I can honestly say that boys liked me more when I didn’t say what’s on my mind. But after that, they would first claim how “it’s so cool you’re not like the other girls” (internal sigh), but as soon as any aspect of my personality I chose not to hide bothered them somehow they would RUN. And it’s funny because honesty and being upfront is something I value so much in other people, and can’t imagine how anyone would find it a turn-off.

Just to clarify one point, being honest does not mean being rude. I’ve never been a rude person and never will. Nor is being upfront synonymous with being mean, because I’ve never been that either. I simply stopped being scared of expressing how I truly felt about something or someone. If someone is doing something that’s bothering me, I tell them. If I like someone, I tell them. If I like LIKE someone, you bet I’m gonna tell them because it’s better than sitting around and wondering whether they like me back. And most importantly, if I care for someone I show it (unlike my 17, 18 year old self who would rather die than potentially be seen as “clingy”).

Just recently I decided to be upfront with a friend of mind about something. Okay, “friend”. I think you got the point. I needed to say what I said because it was getting too much for me and I decided that it would be better if they knew too. And guess what happened? That friend (okay, “friend”) of TWO YEARS, who I talked to nearly EVERY DAY, rudely cut me off from his life in the space of around 10 minutes via one angry phone call. I expected somewhat of a weird reaction, but I never expected this. And yes, of course it hurt.

Do I regret being honest? No. If I wasn’t, we would still probably be friends but I do not want to build a friendship based around fakeness, just like I don’t want to build a relationship based around the same thing. But I am slightly confused; we are taught from childhood that honesty is one of the best qualities a person could have, yet most of us grow up with fake personalities – holding back who we are and want we want to say. Where’s the logic in that?

sunset-691995_640

Unpopular Opinion: Why Women Have It Easier Than Men

Considering the current radical feminist agenda, the following post may be controversial but hey – freedom of speech. That’s not to say that I disagree with some aspects; I support equal rights, whether it’s in the workplace, in sexual situations (slut-shaming is gross) and in day-to-day life, but I feel like men are getting a lot of shit for “having it easier”. Below, I’ve listed some points on why it’s easier to be a female in my opinion, and why we should give the male population much more credit.

  • Vulnerability

While women are encouraged to show their feelings, and forgiven for being too emotional, men are judged for it. If a girl cries, it’s ok because she’s just a girl. If a boy cries, it may be interpreted as a sign of weakness. Also, females can use this to their advantage, whilst men often have no choice but to deal with problems and not show any sign of weakness. This may be why male suicide rates are much higher than female ones. There is so much more pressure on guys, and a lot of it comes from the opposite sex. Whilst some women are more understanding, others often put a lot of pressure on their partners to make more money in order to spend more on fancy things. Not all, but a significant number nonetheless.

  • Looks

I feel like so many girls complain about men having really high standards when it comes to looks, but that’s really not the case. I’ve dated several people who idolized the Gigi Hadids and Megan Foxes of the world, but still thought I was pretty. Girls, on the other hand, are much pickier when it comes to finding a partner. They are often searching for the ones with the best looks, the most money, the fittest body and so on, and refuse to settle for “average”. Even if guys claim that they want a girl with the perfect face/body/height, they can easily date someone who doesn’t correspond to that criteria and still find them attractive and love them. But girls are always searching for Mr Perfect, and are very cautious about lowering their standards.

  • Dating

This is somewhat related to the second point. Although we are living in the era of equality, I feel like girls still have the upper hand when it comes to dating. They are allowed to be pickier, sit back and allow the guy to put in the initial effort and impress them. Also, I think it’s easier to find a boyfriend if you’re a single female, rather than find a girlfriend if you’re a single male. Your boyfriend dumped you? Just open your Instagram DMs or Facebook messages and realize that there are several other guys who will support you during this or even want to date you. Your girlfriend dumped you? Shit dude, now you have to go through the whole stage of impressing another girl, and trying to show her that you are better than the other guys she might be talking to.

  • Career

When a female is unemployed, or quits her job, there is not much stigma surrounding that. People are more lenient about letting a girl chill, or live off her parents/partner for a bit until she is ready to find a new work position. Men, on the other hand, are constantly pushed to make more money, get a new job, achieve incredible success by a certain age and be the breadwinner of the family. It’s all sunshine and rainbows when feminists talk about workplace equality, but I think we should consider the situation from the opposite end too; sure, women might get paid less in certain situations, but there is also much less pressure on women in general.

  • Sexual Situations

Yes, maybe many guys have it easier when it comes to not being judged for having casual sex/sleeping around, but they also have to – once again – put more effort in. If you’re a girl, you’re most likely not going to be left without any options; you don’t have to go out and search for someone, take them out on dates and spend money. This is also related to dating in the sense that females have the upper hand in this sphere. As I mentioned above, slut-shaming is bad, but women shame other women just as much – if not more. This is not even necessarily an inequality issue. Men get just as much shit for being “fuckboys”, and harshly judged for “only wanting one thing”.

In conclusion, being a man is hard. Being a woman is hard. Life is hard in general. But I think a lot of women need to sit back and give men more credit. Not all guys are sexist, rapist pigs. Sure some of them may be, but we can also claim that some women are materialistic psychotic manipulators. I don’t see many guys going around and saying that all the time. And this is coming from a girl, living in a country where there is still a significant amount of gender inequality. Feel free to disagree, this is just my personal opinion from observation.

women-3422243_640

Sometimes

Sometimes I really wish I could have a mentor. And yes, if you are thinking of a wise Buddhist middle-aged man, that’s exactly who I’m thinking of too.

On a serious note, it wouldn’t really matter what form my mentor would appear in. All I need is a wise individual who knows how to keep secrets. I would tell them all about my life, my goals, my problems, and they would use all of their wisdom and experience to help me do amazing things. Someone who would keep me motivated no matter what, tell me that everything will be okay and remind me to get my shit together when necessary. Someone who would remind me about all my responsibilities, but in a way that would be encouraging and not stressful at all. Someone who has been a mentor for months, and years and decades prior to meeting me, and would already know everything there is to know about helping people to focus on what they want and what they need to fix.

I know it seems fantastical, yet a person can dream. Think about it. Wouldn’t you prefer to have someone like that in your life? We’re all encouraged to be our own mentors, yet it gets so tedious that we start to go easy on ourselves in the most detrimental way possible. And when we do get our shit together, so to speak, we find ourselves in a bubble of stress and last-minute panic. I don’t know what the moral of this post is, but I’ll probably finalize it on the following note: if you are not lucky enough to have a mentor, try to be your own mentor (I guess). Imagine that you are two people instead of one, and encourage yourself as you would have liked to be encouraged by somebody else.

Damn it, can I at least have a mentor until 2018?

meditation-2214532_640

Non-coincidental Coincidences

If you’ve been following my blog, you may have come across my recent, rather lengthy post about the law of attraction (and if you haven’t, that can be easily corrected…hint). In that entry, it is mentioned how I recently “rediscovered” this law and decided to use it to my advantage – and with some results, for that matter. In spite of the fact that I’ve already experienced a bit of success with this mindset, not enough time has passed for me to give an honest account of exactly how effective it is; let’s just say that it seems to be working and I promise to elaborate later in September. Although I’m not going to go deep into “The Secret” just yet, I would like to give a somewhat peculiar account of what happened yesterday. But before we go any further, it’s best to give another back-story.

Ever since I can remember, there have been times where I would think about someone, or simply remember someone, and then suddenly bump into them shortly after. After initially assuming that these were simply coincidences, a trace of doubt began to set in when I realized that these were not people I saw or even thought about often (literally months would pass before I saw or even remembered these individuals). Sometimes, all it took was one vivid memory for me to bump into a certain individual later during the day, even if I hadn’t seen or spoken to them for ages.

Although this started happening more and more frequently, my mind continued to ignore law of attraction as a possible explanation. Maybe it was due to lack of belief, or simply the fact that the concept was stored somewhere in the back of my mind next to long division and embarrassing memories (i.e. intentionally forgotten things). Either way, I acknowledged the weirdness of these occurrences, but didn’t think into them too much. However, yesterday was different.

Last night, my friend and I were walking home from a concert, just talking about stuff. Yes, we were literally just discussing “life stuff” – remembering high-school, getting nostalgic over our teenager years and discussing old friends/boyfriends/almost-boyfriends and so on (and I know she reads by blog so I’m going to insert a small “hi” right here). You know, just normal gossip – nothing out of the ordinary.

However, what did end up being unusual was the fact that I literally saw some of the people we spoke about several minutes after mentioning them. Once again, I hadn’t actually seen these people in months, which made me think about how weird these coincidences were becoming. Only this time, instead of briefly freaking out, I began to consider that these might not be coincidences after all.

Now, let’s get back to the initial topic. According to the law of attraction, our thoughts and feelings have the ability to attract people/things into our lives. Likewise, we also have the ability to attract success with positivity or scare it away with negativity – something that I explained in more detail in my last post. Anyway, the point is that simply thinking about someone can cause you to randomly bump into them, especially if they are somewhere nearby. It’s almost as if the universe aligns itself in such a way that you end up in the same place (at the same time) as the person you remembered. Although either of you could have essentially chosen different routes, or taken slightly longer to get to that exact spot, that person becomes somewhat drawn to you via your thoughts alone. Literally magnetic.

End-note: I’m not claiming this to be a completely valid explanation, but remain pretty open to the idea of non-coincidental coincidences, which sounds mutually exclusive but strangely believable at the same time.

street-690621_640

On The Peculiarity of Life

I didn’t expect to be gone for over ten days, but I also didn’t expect things many things. The last couple of weeks have been busy, messy and full of surprises. Suddenly there were so many things to do/sort; from work, to medical, to personal – which always happens before I go to Greece for some reason. I’m also required to drink this tiny pill for a few months, which is pretty light in general but occasionally causes the annoying side-effect of insomnia. Guess who got lucky.

Anyway, all of this chaos got me thinking about how weird life can get. When you really think into things, life starts to seem like one big trip. No, seriously. You’re born pretty much by chance, and then spend the rest of your years feeling like you’re the center of the universe before your body shuts down one day and hell knows what happens next. But while you’re still alive, you experience things in a very particular way, and automatically assume that others must be feeling life the same way. But when you think about it, they don’t.

See, this is the part that really gets me. Because you’re YOU, everything you see/touch/smell/hear/taste is filtered through your own personal prism of how you experience things. And that’s why we automatically assume that everyone probably has the same general feelings towards the concept of life. But it’s not like that in reality.

Before you think I’m on some kind of drug (God, I love G-Eazy references), I do not condone substance abuse, so I’m really not about the stoner life. It’s just something that’s been on my mind lately, and as much as I’m keeping this blog more “serious” than my last, you are going to get some trippy philosophical posts from time to time.

mental-2301393_640