Sadness is a Blessing

After a night of insomnia, I decided around 8 am that sleeping was out of the picture. After all, I’d slept so much during the past few days because of a nasty cold that I guess I just used up all of my free sleeping hours. I got up, put on some make-up not to scare people and walked downtown to my favorite café. Since it was only 10 am, I was the only customer, so my coffee arrived pretty quickly. I sat there for over an hour, drinking my Americano, smoking my cigarettes (don’t smoke kids – it’s bad) and listening to their sad “indie autumn playlist” whilst observing the dismal rainy weather. I felt so peaceful that I honestly did not want to leave – even the lack of sleep and nasty-cold-feeling didn’t bother me. It was at that point that I came to a realization – sadness is, indeed, a blessing.

In that moment I was not conventionally happy; in fact, the music was causing my thoughts to spiral downwards into every single negative thing that happened to me over the past two-and-a-half years. From personal problems, to a chain of annoying, tiring health problems, to just downright periods of depression and anxiety, my life has been a bit of a shitshow since I turned 19 (I’m 21 now). Yet for once I did not feel that nasty, tired feeling. I felt good on the inside, like I was finally coming to terms with everything.

We live in a society where sadness is viewed as something negative; a sign of weakness, almost a sin. We are pressured into fighting our problems, getting over them as quickly as possible and returning back to that wonderful state of happiness and motivation. Today I truly felt that sadness can also be a wonderful feeling, and that it can be embraced instead of pushed back into the dark corners of our mind. It confuses me that we, as a society, aspire to achieve this robotic type of mentality, where only happiness and strength are acceptable.

From a psychological point of view, this also makes sense. If we keep trying to artificially alter our current state, this puts stress on our mind and body alike. Instead of fighting a problem, why not sit down and allow ourselves to truly feel it in all its negativity and discomfort. I feel like this is a much more effective way of dealing with an issue rather than acting as though you are on a battlefield, winning a war that doesn’t even exist. Until you truly understand why something happened and what you can learn from it, no amount of forced positivity is going to get you anywhere.

Sadness is also an excellent way to bond with others. I’ve had the chance to bond with so many people during these past couple of years than I’ve ever had in the previous nineteen. Happiness, as fantastic as it is, is a rather basic feeling; you don’t tend to have deep conversations when you are happy, and you are not really in the mood to listen to other people’s problems. But sadness is different; it’s a much deeper, tranquil feeling and opens you up to many new thoughts and ideas.

And finally, embracing sadness is also an excellent way of accepting your current circumstances, whatever they may be. Of course things are going to get better, whatever is going on now (and however long it has lasted). And today I understood that the only way things are going to get better is if I accept my current circumstances and truly embrace everything that I have learnt. As humans, we tend to feel hopeless and desperate when we are experiencing discomfort (both mental and physical), but that is because we have been conditioned to do so. There is no reason why we should ignore pain or try to make it instantly go away, not when it is a part of life.

After sitting in the café for over an hour, sleep deprived and all in my thoughts, I got up to leave feeling a completely different person. I have no idea why my brain took me to this strange place, but it was definitely worth it.

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Unpopular Opinion: Why Women Have It Easier Than Men

Considering the current radical feminist agenda, the following post may be controversial but hey – freedom of speech. That’s not to say that I disagree with some aspects; I support equal rights, whether it’s in the workplace, in sexual situations (slut-shaming is gross) and in day-to-day life, but I feel like men are getting a lot of shit for “having it easier”. Below, I’ve listed some points on why it’s easier to be a female in my opinion, and why we should give the male population much more credit.

  • Vulnerability

While women are encouraged to show their feelings, and forgiven for being too emotional, men are judged for it. If a girl cries, it’s ok because she’s just a girl. If a boy cries, it may be interpreted as a sign of weakness. Also, females can use this to their advantage, whilst men often have no choice but to deal with problems and not show any sign of weakness. This may be why male suicide rates are much higher than female ones. There is so much more pressure on guys, and a lot of it comes from the opposite sex. Whilst some women are more understanding, others often put a lot of pressure on their partners to make more money in order to spend more on fancy things. Not all, but a significant number nonetheless.

  • Looks

I feel like so many girls complain about men having really high standards when it comes to looks, but that’s really not the case. I’ve dated several people who idolized the Gigi Hadids and Megan Foxes of the world, but still thought I was pretty. Girls, on the other hand, are much pickier when it comes to finding a partner. They are often searching for the ones with the best looks, the most money, the fittest body and so on, and refuse to settle for “average”. Even if guys claim that they want a girl with the perfect face/body/height, they can easily date someone who doesn’t correspond to that criteria and still find them attractive and love them. But girls are always searching for Mr Perfect, and are very cautious about lowering their standards.

  • Dating

This is somewhat related to the second point. Although we are living in the era of equality, I feel like girls still have the upper hand when it comes to dating. They are allowed to be pickier, sit back and allow the guy to put in the initial effort and impress them. Also, I think it’s easier to find a boyfriend if you’re a single female, rather than find a girlfriend if you’re a single male. Your boyfriend dumped you? Just open your Instagram DMs or Facebook messages and realize that there are several other guys who will support you during this or even want to date you. Your girlfriend dumped you? Shit dude, now you have to go through the whole stage of impressing another girl, and trying to show her that you are better than the other guys she might be talking to.

  • Career

When a female is unemployed, or quits her job, there is not much stigma surrounding that. People are more lenient about letting a girl chill, or live off her parents/partner for a bit until she is ready to find a new work position. Men, on the other hand, are constantly pushed to make more money, get a new job, achieve incredible success by a certain age and be the breadwinner of the family. It’s all sunshine and rainbows when feminists talk about workplace equality, but I think we should consider the situation from the opposite end too; sure, women might get paid less in certain situations, but there is also much less pressure on women in general.

  • Sexual Situations

Yes, maybe many guys have it easier when it comes to not being judged for having casual sex/sleeping around, but they also have to – once again – put more effort in. If you’re a girl, you’re most likely not going to be left without any options; you don’t have to go out and search for someone, take them out on dates and spend money. This is also related to dating in the sense that females have the upper hand in this sphere. As I mentioned above, slut-shaming is bad, but women shame other women just as much – if not more. This is not even necessarily an inequality issue. Men get just as much shit for being “fuckboys”, and harshly judged for “only wanting one thing”.

In conclusion, being a man is hard. Being a woman is hard. Life is hard in general. But I think a lot of women need to sit back and give men more credit. Not all guys are sexist, rapist pigs. Sure some of them may be, but we can also claim that some women are materialistic psychotic manipulators. I don’t see many guys going around and saying that all the time. And this is coming from a girl, living in a country where there is still a significant amount of gender inequality. Feel free to disagree, this is just my personal opinion from observation.

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The Truth About Anxiety (Personal)

When I was prescribed an anxiety pill a couple of weeks ago, I thought it was completely unnecessary. I had gone to the doctor about a completely different problem, and the fact that he thought it was also necessary I drink an anti-anxiety, antidepressant pill for a month seemed like just another inconvenience. Initially, this pill made me really drowsy, spaced out and gave me migraines; one week in, and some of the side-effects are still pretty strong. However, I have made the rational decision to drink this medication for the next three weeks, and fight through the side-effects as much as I can. So why the sacrifice?

I know that a good percentage of my generation complains about anxiety. This is such a widespread problem that it has pretty much become a meme and a joke. It almost seems as though everyone suffers from anxiety – many self-diagnosed – and I definitely didn’t want to be part of that group. Since I wasn’t having full-blown panic attacks, I dismissed the possibility of me having this problem and just went about my daily responsibilities. Little did I know that my life would come to a point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Following a series of health complications during the last couple of years or so, I started to develop hypochondriac tendencies. Even after the doctor told me that I had nothing serious, I was convinced that I was detrimentally sick, and continued to experience symptoms of sickness even after I was supposedly “cured”. I was told that this was normal, and if I looked after myself my body would go back to the way it was in a few months. Instead of coming to terms with this, I began to feel terribly anxious that I would stay sick for the rest of my life and that there was something the doctors were missing.

Fast forward one year, and I went to get checked again. Aside from some minor imbalances in my body, the doctors didn’t find anything and basically gave me the same answer – just look after yourself, don’t worry and you will eventually feel better. There is nothing seriously wrong with you. By this point, I felt shaken up and reluctant to believe that I wasn’t heavily sick. I would experience terrible anxiousness from every minor symptom, and was convinced that I had developed all of these problems when numerous tests showed the opposite. I didn’t even have the motivation to “look after myself properly”, believing that it wouldn’t help anyway.

During my last check-up, my doctor decided to call in a neuropathologist and have him check me. It only took him a minute to figure out that I had bad anxiety, and he ended up prescribing me a medication that I was going to have to take for at least a month to calm my nervous system. I was surprised. After all, weren’t all my fears legit? How was an anxiety pill going to help with complications after a sickness? Well, I was wrong.

Anxiety pills are no joke. The side effects are sometimes unbearable, especially when you first start drinking it. However, I began to notice some positive changes, and decided to continue no matter how drowsy I felt. One week later, and it’s still a struggle not to fall asleep during the day. Sometimes I am tempted to stop, but what pushes me to carry on are the strange positive effects it has on my body. The pains and discomfort I used to experience are significantly better, and I no longer feel so anxious about never getting better. Although I am sleepy, it’s almost as if I can think more logically.

This got me thinking about whether or not this was a much deeper problem than just something I’d developed over the last couple of years due to sickness. I remember having horrible anxiety as a child, which is something I dismissed as the typical case of shyness. Now that I think back, it was definitely more than just that. However, as I entered my teen years, this anxiety began to bother me to the point that I forced myself out of my comfort zone so many times that it probably just went into “remission” on its own, and never looked back since. I didn’t want to think back to those years of my early childhood, let alone analyze them, so I just continued living normally up until a couple of years back.

I don’t want to go into too many details, but I got pretty sick in the summer of 2016. What made it worse is that it took the doctors about half a year to figure out what was wrong with me, and I was given an unpleasant (but definitely not fatal) diagnosis in December of that year. I took a couple of rounds of pills, but the symptoms just kept coming back. Every time I would feel a slight pain, fatigue or hint of nausea, I convinced myself that the sickness was back and I needed to go get checked. Moreover, I didn’t believe the doctors when they said that nothing was seriously wrong and that I would get better it time – according to my perception, I would be chronically sick for the rest of my life.

This began to take over my life, since I felt physically unwell nearly every single day. However, I had no idea that my mental state was affecting my physical one – I simply thought that I felt bad mentally BECAUSE I was not well physically, and didn’t consider that the first could cause the latter. When people told me to stay strong and positive, I looked at them as though they were crazy – how on earth was a change in attitude going to help me get out of this? My hypochondriac tendencies were completely normal in my eyes, and I felt as though nobody understood what I was going through.

Fast forward to now, and I am a hundred percent sure that I will finish drinking the whole monthly prescription of this unpleasant medication. Maybe I feel drowsy and get nasty migraines from time to time, but for the first time in my life I can acknowledge that I definitely experience symptoms of anxiety and probably have for my whole entire life. This pill is supposed to help me feel better and give my body a chance to cure itself without all of the nervousness that stopped it from doing so before; once I’m off it, I’ll be much more aware of whether my fears are logical or just something stemming from anxiety.

A lot of the time, we do not see the link between physical and mental health, but there is actually a really strong connection between the two; positive, passionate and mentally strong people are always the ones to get out of health problems the quickest, and is something I dismissed up until now.

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Switching Up My Game

Unlike many other seemingly “beginner” blogs, this blog is actually not my first one. Moreover, this is not my first experience with WordPress.

Prior to this, I had been actively running a more personally-oriented blog for a total of one year and nine months – just about enough time to have a child and raise it to the stage of development where it is capable of trashing the whole house. By the way, this was a theoretical scenario; as much as I love to dote over little children, I don’t plan on dropping everything to have a kid at twenty years young. Alright, let’s not get sidetracked.

As I mentioned, I had a “baby blog” before this one (apologies for all the random maternal references), but it just wasn’t doing it for me anymore. Don’t get me wrong – I’m very proud of every single one of my posts, and very appreciative of all my followers. However, I think it’s time to move on to something more serious than just random ramblings on the topic of my life, feelings, internal monologues etc. I have this persistent urge to discuss more than just the occurrences in my daily life; after all, one of the biggest human errors is forgetting that there is a world outside of one’s little bubble, and I want to work on that.

So, what is this blog going to be about? Since I hate categorizing, and am not too particularly fond of planning things that are difficult to plan, I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Right now, I envision a wide range of posts covering world events, society, culture, philosophy, psychology, entertainment, literature and my own take on the complicated mess we refer to as the Modern Civilization. Although I’m not too certain on the direction this blog will take, I know one thing for sure; if you stick with me, I guarantee that you will not regret that fateful moment you decided to click “follow”. See you soon.