Although I’m not as passionate about this field as I used to be about a month ago (hey, a girl changes her interests quick), this year has been quite the controversial one for me in terms of attention devoted to crime cases. It all began during the winter season, when I was searching for things to watch on YouTube. If you are somewhat close to me, or keep up with my blog, you might be aware of my love towards online creators. I’ve been watching different people on YouTube since I was about ten or eleven, which means I’ve had my fair share of learning about various different topics; aside from watching my favorite vloggers, I found a great deal of educational content that helped me both through school/university and personal development.
Prior to watching videos about crime, I was really invested in the conspiracy theory side of YouTube. It helped me to realize how not everything is as it seems, including certain events, celebrity deaths and so on (feel free to disagree if you wish). This sparked my interest for crime, which is when I started searching for murder cases, missing persons cases and ongoing investigations. If you are familiar with the internet – especially video sites – you will know that there is a whole lot of information out there on various crime cases.
At first I was shocked and disturbed at the horrific details of some of these cases; from intentional poisoning, to brutal murder, to appalling manipulation. But then my interest took over and I found myself binge-watching creators that covered crime stories (e.g. Danelle Hallan, Amber Walter, Eleanor Neele and many more). As I got further into the whole scene, I started searching for documentaries about huge cases, serial killers and more murder-related conspiracy theories. I became so invested in this that I spent every spare minute of my day (and night) looking into different cases and learning about how detectives work to solve them. I even began regretting that I didn’t study criminology or law, even though I was in my final semester of university.
Aside from pure morbid curiosity, another reason why I became so involved and passionate about this field is that I used crime as an escape from my own problems. Recently, my life has been a bit of a mess, and it was more of a mess when I was studying and working at the same time; personal problems, ongoing health issues and too many responsibilities were getting me down, so I had to find some sort of escape – disturbing or not.
I still watch this type of content, but maybe not as enthusiastically as I used to do. Although it is definitely educational, interesting and satisfies the appetite for all things unsettling (like I said, morbid curiosity), listening to so much graphic, shocking information takes a toll on one’s mental health. I noticed myself getting more and more disappointed in humanity, as well as paranoid about my own safety. This is when I decided to take a break and focus on more positive distractions instead of using tales about others’ suffering to drown out my own problems.
However, I definitely do not regret this brief period of passion for crime, since I learnt a lot of interesting and useful information. Not only do I have a better idea of how to keep safe, but have also gained a huge respect for people who dedicate their lives to crime. This is not a profession I would like to be involved in myself, yet I can’t help being fascinated by all the intricate details – even to this day.