About Millennial Existentialist

20-year old marketing student, part-time freelancer and expert over-thinker. Interested in everything. Proudly ignores blogging advice on "being general".

Unpopular Opinion: Why Women Have It Easier Than Men

Considering the current radical feminist agenda, the following post may be controversial but hey – freedom of speech. That’s not to say that I disagree with some aspects; I support equal rights, whether it’s in the workplace, in sexual situations (slut-shaming is gross) and in day-to-day life, but I feel like men are getting a lot of shit for “having it easier”. Below, I’ve listed some points on why it’s easier to be a female in my opinion, and why we should give the male population much more credit.

  • Vulnerability

While women are encouraged to show their feelings, and forgiven for being too emotional, men are judged for it. If a girl cries, it’s ok because she’s just a girl. If a boy cries, it may be interpreted as a sign of weakness. Also, females can use this to their advantage, whilst men often have no choice but to deal with problems and not show any sign of weakness. This may be why male suicide rates are much higher than female ones. There is so much more pressure on guys, and a lot of it comes from the opposite sex. Whilst some women are more understanding, others often put a lot of pressure on their partners to make more money in order to spend more on fancy things. Not all, but a significant number nonetheless.

  • Looks

I feel like so many girls complain about men having really high standards when it comes to looks, but that’s really not the case. I’ve dated several people who idolized the Gigi Hadids and Megan Foxes of the world, but still thought I was pretty. Girls, on the other hand, are much pickier when it comes to finding a partner. They are often searching for the ones with the best looks, the most money, the fittest body and so on, and refuse to settle for “average”. Even if guys claim that they want a girl with the perfect face/body/height, they can easily date someone who doesn’t correspond to that criteria and still find them attractive and love them. But girls are always searching for Mr Perfect, and are very cautious about lowering their standards.

  • Dating

This is somewhat related to the second point. Although we are living in the era of equality, I feel like girls still have the upper hand when it comes to dating. They are allowed to be pickier, sit back and allow the guy to put in the initial effort and impress them. Also, I think it’s easier to find a boyfriend if you’re a single female, rather than find a girlfriend if you’re a single male. Your boyfriend dumped you? Just open your Instagram DMs or Facebook messages and realize that there are several other guys who will support you during this or even want to date you. Your girlfriend dumped you? Shit dude, now you have to go through the whole stage of impressing another girl, and trying to show her that you are better than the other guys she might be talking to.

  • Career

When a female is unemployed, or quits her job, there is not much stigma surrounding that. People are more lenient about letting a girl chill, or live off her parents/partner for a bit until she is ready to find a new work position. Men, on the other hand, are constantly pushed to make more money, get a new job, achieve incredible success by a certain age and be the breadwinner of the family. It’s all sunshine and rainbows when feminists talk about workplace equality, but I think we should consider the situation from the opposite end too; sure, women might get paid less in certain situations, but there is also much less pressure on women in general.

  • Sexual Situations

Yes, maybe many guys have it easier when it comes to not being judged for having casual sex/sleeping around, but they also have to – once again – put more effort in. If you’re a girl, you’re most likely not going to be left without any options; you don’t have to go out and search for someone, take them out on dates and spend money. This is also related to dating in the sense that females have the upper hand in this sphere. As I mentioned above, slut-shaming is bad, but women shame other women just as much – if not more. This is not even necessarily an inequality issue. Men get just as much shit for being “fuckboys”, and harshly judged for “only wanting one thing”.

In conclusion, being a man is hard. Being a woman is hard. Life is hard in general. But I think a lot of women need to sit back and give men more credit. Not all guys are sexist, rapist pigs. Sure some of them may be, but we can also claim that some women are materialistic psychotic manipulators. I don’t see many guys going around and saying that all the time. And this is coming from a girl, living in a country where there is still a significant amount of gender inequality. Feel free to disagree, this is just my personal opinion from observation.

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Why I Became Invested in Crime

Although I’m not as passionate about this field as I used to be about a month ago (hey, a girl changes her interests quick), this year has been quite the controversial one for me in terms of attention devoted to crime cases. It all began during the winter season, when I was searching for things to watch on YouTube. If you are somewhat close to me, or keep up with my blog, you might be aware of my love towards online creators. I’ve been watching different people on YouTube since I was about ten or eleven, which means I’ve had my fair share of learning about various different topics; aside from watching my favorite vloggers, I found a great deal of educational content that helped me both through school/university and personal development.

Prior to watching videos about crime, I was really invested in the conspiracy theory side of YouTube. It helped me to realize how not everything is as it seems, including certain events, celebrity deaths and so on (feel free to disagree if you wish). This sparked my interest for crime, which is when I started searching for murder cases, missing persons cases and ongoing investigations. If you are familiar with the internet – especially video sites – you will know that there is a whole lot of information out there on various crime cases.

At first I was shocked and disturbed at the horrific details of some of these cases; from intentional poisoning, to brutal murder, to appalling manipulation. But then my interest took over and I found myself binge-watching creators that covered crime stories (e.g. Danelle Hallan, Amber Walter, Eleanor Neele and many more). As I got further into the whole scene, I started searching for documentaries about huge cases, serial killers and more murder-related conspiracy theories. I became so invested in this that I spent every spare minute of my day (and night) looking into different cases and learning about how detectives work to solve them. I even began regretting that I didn’t study criminology or law, even though I was in my final semester of university.

Aside from pure morbid curiosity, another reason why I became so involved and passionate about this field is that I used crime as an escape from my own problems. Recently, my life has been a bit of a mess, and it was more of a mess when I was studying and working at the same time; personal problems, ongoing health issues and too many responsibilities were getting me down, so I had to find some sort of escape – disturbing or not.

I still watch this type of content, but maybe not as enthusiastically as I used to do. Although it is definitely educational, interesting and satisfies the appetite for all things unsettling (like I said, morbid curiosity), listening to so much graphic, shocking information takes a toll on one’s mental health. I noticed myself getting more and more disappointed in humanity, as well as paranoid about my own safety. This is when I decided to take a break and focus on more positive distractions instead of using tales about others’ suffering to drown out my own problems.

However, I definitely do not regret this brief period of passion for crime, since I learnt a lot of interesting and useful information. Not only do I have a better idea of how to keep safe, but have also gained a huge respect for people who dedicate their lives to crime. This is not a profession I would like to be involved in myself, yet I can’t help being fascinated by all the intricate details – even to this day.

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The Truth About Anxiety (Personal)

When I was prescribed an anxiety pill a couple of weeks ago, I thought it was completely unnecessary. I had gone to the doctor about a completely different problem, and the fact that he thought it was also necessary I drink an anti-anxiety, antidepressant pill for a month seemed like just another inconvenience. Initially, this pill made me really drowsy, spaced out and gave me migraines; one week in, and some of the side-effects are still pretty strong. However, I have made the rational decision to drink this medication for the next three weeks, and fight through the side-effects as much as I can. So why the sacrifice?

I know that a good percentage of my generation complains about anxiety. This is such a widespread problem that it has pretty much become a meme and a joke. It almost seems as though everyone suffers from anxiety – many self-diagnosed – and I definitely didn’t want to be part of that group. Since I wasn’t having full-blown panic attacks, I dismissed the possibility of me having this problem and just went about my daily responsibilities. Little did I know that my life would come to a point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Following a series of health complications during the last couple of years or so, I started to develop hypochondriac tendencies. Even after the doctor told me that I had nothing serious, I was convinced that I was detrimentally sick, and continued to experience symptoms of sickness even after I was supposedly “cured”. I was told that this was normal, and if I looked after myself my body would go back to the way it was in a few months. Instead of coming to terms with this, I began to feel terribly anxious that I would stay sick for the rest of my life and that there was something the doctors were missing.

Fast forward one year, and I went to get checked again. Aside from some minor imbalances in my body, the doctors didn’t find anything and basically gave me the same answer – just look after yourself, don’t worry and you will eventually feel better. There is nothing seriously wrong with you. By this point, I felt shaken up and reluctant to believe that I wasn’t heavily sick. I would experience terrible anxiousness from every minor symptom, and was convinced that I had developed all of these problems when numerous tests showed the opposite. I didn’t even have the motivation to “look after myself properly”, believing that it wouldn’t help anyway.

During my last check-up, my doctor decided to call in a neuropathologist and have him check me. It only took him a minute to figure out that I had bad anxiety, and he ended up prescribing me a medication that I was going to have to take for at least a month to calm my nervous system. I was surprised. After all, weren’t all my fears legit? How was an anxiety pill going to help with complications after a sickness? Well, I was wrong.

Anxiety pills are no joke. The side effects are sometimes unbearable, especially when you first start drinking it. However, I began to notice some positive changes, and decided to continue no matter how drowsy I felt. One week later, and it’s still a struggle not to fall asleep during the day. Sometimes I am tempted to stop, but what pushes me to carry on are the strange positive effects it has on my body. The pains and discomfort I used to experience are significantly better, and I no longer feel so anxious about never getting better. Although I am sleepy, it’s almost as if I can think more logically.

This got me thinking about whether or not this was a much deeper problem than just something I’d developed over the last couple of years due to sickness. I remember having horrible anxiety as a child, which is something I dismissed as the typical case of shyness. Now that I think back, it was definitely more than just that. However, as I entered my teen years, this anxiety began to bother me to the point that I forced myself out of my comfort zone so many times that it probably just went into “remission” on its own, and never looked back since. I didn’t want to think back to those years of my early childhood, let alone analyze them, so I just continued living normally up until a couple of years back.

I don’t want to go into too many details, but I got pretty sick in the summer of 2016. What made it worse is that it took the doctors about half a year to figure out what was wrong with me, and I was given an unpleasant (but definitely not fatal) diagnosis in December of that year. I took a couple of rounds of pills, but the symptoms just kept coming back. Every time I would feel a slight pain, fatigue or hint of nausea, I convinced myself that the sickness was back and I needed to go get checked. Moreover, I didn’t believe the doctors when they said that nothing was seriously wrong and that I would get better it time – according to my perception, I would be chronically sick for the rest of my life.

This began to take over my life, since I felt physically unwell nearly every single day. However, I had no idea that my mental state was affecting my physical one – I simply thought that I felt bad mentally BECAUSE I was not well physically, and didn’t consider that the first could cause the latter. When people told me to stay strong and positive, I looked at them as though they were crazy – how on earth was a change in attitude going to help me get out of this? My hypochondriac tendencies were completely normal in my eyes, and I felt as though nobody understood what I was going through.

Fast forward to now, and I am a hundred percent sure that I will finish drinking the whole monthly prescription of this unpleasant medication. Maybe I feel drowsy and get nasty migraines from time to time, but for the first time in my life I can acknowledge that I definitely experience symptoms of anxiety and probably have for my whole entire life. This pill is supposed to help me feel better and give my body a chance to cure itself without all of the nervousness that stopped it from doing so before; once I’m off it, I’ll be much more aware of whether my fears are logical or just something stemming from anxiety.

A lot of the time, we do not see the link between physical and mental health, but there is actually a really strong connection between the two; positive, passionate and mentally strong people are always the ones to get out of health problems the quickest, and is something I dismissed up until now.

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Gratitude

Gratitude is the number one new year’s resolution we all need. Sure, many people would like to get richer/fitter/healthier/happier, travel more, discover themselves, “find love” and so on and so on, but unless you are actually grateful for what you have now, none of those should be a priority. People are wired to constantly crave to improve their quality of life, and that’s pretty normal. After all, this desire is the first stepping stone to change if you actually act on it, but only focusing on these resolutions is wrong.

Looking back two years ago, I can say that I was hardly thankful for anything. Although I didn’t have any real problems, I ended up being this ungrateful, somewhat bratty eighteen-year-old who complained about EVERYTHING. Remembering the first months of 2016, I realize that I should have been so blissfully happy and appreciating every second of the close-to-perfect life I had. But then again, because I didn’t have any serious problems back then, I literally took everything for granted. If something didn’t go my way – even if it was the most minor thing – I would make a huge tragedy out of it and make sure to mention how everything always goes wrong for me. I suppose the absence of any genuinely serious issues is what caused me to be such a brat in the first place; I just didn’t know any better.

Fast forward two years: 2018, 20 years old and definitely much more tired, stressed and sometimes sad (for valid reasons). But at the same time, I am so incredibly thankful for learning the art of gratitude, which honestly makes up for a lot. Maybe if things stayed as smooth as they were back when I was 18, I would still be the same person – bored, permanently annoyed and bitching about every tiny thing that went wrong.

The “problems” I had back then were mostly due to me not knowing what to do with myself, being too lazy to do what I actually wanted to do with my life and getting into petty personal dramas. Being broke for a couple of weeks was a tragedy, going through a break-up after dating someone for a month or two was life ruining, and gaining half a kilo because I didn’t have time to work out for a few days meant that I would basically spend the next few days avoiding food and feeling miserable because OH MY GOD 500 extra grams. You know, just the usual superficial bullshit.

Little did I know that June 2016 would be the last month I felt comfortable. Without going into too much detail, I can say that the last two years have been so difficult – more difficult than I would like to share. Because I’ve always been that weird-funny-sociable person, many people – even the close ones – probably can’t even imagine the extent to which I’ve had to pick myself up over and over again just to not give up on things that I used to take completely for granted.

But this is not a “feel sorry for me” post – this is a lesson. Although I lost some things I didn’t even realize I had, I gained this incredible feeling of gratitude for everything good that is still in my life. And maybe some days are still bad, but I appreciate the good ones so much that they make up for anything that happened before. And when things get better, I know that I’m never ever going to take the good things I have for granted. I will never be depressed over petty things, procrastinate on the important stuff, or even miss opportunities just because I’m waiting for everything to be “perfect”.

So now, just take a moment to be grateful what you have right now, because good things are fickle and have the tendency to disappear if they are not appreciated. Happy 2018.

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Sometimes

Sometimes I really wish I could have a mentor. And yes, if you are thinking of a wise Buddhist middle-aged man, that’s exactly who I’m thinking of too.

On a serious note, it wouldn’t really matter what form my mentor would appear in. All I need is a wise individual who knows how to keep secrets. I would tell them all about my life, my goals, my problems, and they would use all of their wisdom and experience to help me do amazing things. Someone who would keep me motivated no matter what, tell me that everything will be okay and remind me to get my shit together when necessary. Someone who would remind me about all my responsibilities, but in a way that would be encouraging and not stressful at all. Someone who has been a mentor for months, and years and decades prior to meeting me, and would already know everything there is to know about helping people to focus on what they want and what they need to fix.

I know it seems fantastical, yet a person can dream. Think about it. Wouldn’t you prefer to have someone like that in your life? We’re all encouraged to be our own mentors, yet it gets so tedious that we start to go easy on ourselves in the most detrimental way possible. And when we do get our shit together, so to speak, we find ourselves in a bubble of stress and last-minute panic. I don’t know what the moral of this post is, but I’ll probably finalize it on the following note: if you are not lucky enough to have a mentor, try to be your own mentor (I guess). Imagine that you are two people instead of one, and encourage yourself as you would have liked to be encouraged by somebody else.

Damn it, can I at least have a mentor until 2018?

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Autumn Blur

Autumn is a very hazy time. Leaves fall, nature dies, and everything just seems to die with it. And yet, no matter how tired/sad/moody/indifferent I find myself feeling every autumn, it is definitely one of my favourite seasons.

I’m the type of person who weirdly enjoys feeling melancholic. When you are sad, you have the opportunity to rethink things, re-evaluate goals and gain a better understanding of who you are. Happiness, on the other hand, is like a professional camera with the brightness turned all the way up – in focus, yet unpleasantly blinding. Sounds pretty deep, but I did warn you that this season turns me into a weird existential mess. It’s not like I lie in bed all day: I still have university, with all its endless group projects and exams and assignments; I still have a part-time job; I still try to get my ass to the gym more or less regularly – as well as out, just to ensure that I still have a (more-or-less) good social life. Yet everything becomes blurred, sleepy, weird – unreal.

Time loses its grip during autumn. The days just seem to gradually grow from one to the next, without any particular feeling of what date it is, or even what hour of the day. In fact, I am almost convinced that Lewis Carroll wrote “Alice in Wonderland” based on how many experience the months of September, October and November – you have a vague idea of who you are, yet nothing around you seems to make sense.

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RANT: The Las Vegas Shooting and Identity Politics

Excuse me if this post is triggering in any way – you are free to leave at any given moment. In fact, just as free as I am to express my opinion, so you won’t find me apologizing for speaking my truth. Let me begin by saying that I am in no way dismissive of racism and discrimination. Yes, these two concepts still exist, and some people can definitely be labelled as racist. Just like some people can be labelled sexist, homophobic, prejudiced, perverted, completely psychopathic and so on. It is no secret that our beautiful planet is also home to both bad ideas and bad people, but to constantly focus on them is absolutely destructive for society as a whole.

As many of you may be aware, a horrible massacre took place on the first of this month at the Las Vegas Village. A 64-year-old male opened fire at the Mandalay Bay hotel during an outdoor concert, managing to shoot 58 people from his hotel apartment and injure over 500. ISIS immediately “took credit” for this shooting, but it was later discovered that the shooter is highly unlikely to be associated with the extremist organization for the following reasons:

  • He was not practicing any religion
  • No association was found between the shooter and Islamic beliefs
  • He committed suicide immediately after the massacre, which goes against Islamic beliefs

Due to this, the attacker – who was initially labelled as a terrorist – is now being referred to as a “lone wolf”, with his motives still in question. Although many people have expressed their condolences, and concentrated on what actually matters, several others have taken it upon themselves to discuss the attacker’s race.

So, to the people who are whining about privilege, let’s examine your priorities. Is this a chance to talk about gun violence? Nah, we’re good. What about the NRA? It’s fine. Maybe better mental health monitoring? Well, America is working on that. How about better security checks? Yeah, maybe, whatever. So, what is left…discussing white privilege? YES OF COURSE THAT IS IMPORTANT, THE ATTACKER WAS WHITE! If he wasn’t white, there would be outrage. If he wasn’t white, he would never be labelled as a “lone wolf”. If he wasn’t white, a whole race would be attacked right now (which is totally not what is being done right now, it’s not like white people are being constantly targeted for their privilege).

To all the people who are using this tragedy to push your propaganda on the subject of white privilege, social justice and racial discrimination – your motives are disgusting. No, I am not denying that white people were slave owners a hundred years ago, or had more privilege in the past. Just like Egyptians would carry out the most appalling sacrifices in the past. Just like the Ottomans (i.e. Turks) would slaughter any nation that stood in their way in the past. Just like Germans, led by the Nazi party, supported the killing of six million Jews in the past. Just like people in Africa sold each other into slavery in the past. But, for some reason, white people (especially white Americans) are being constantly targeted for their privilege, which is determined by the colour of their skin.

Racism is based on targeting people for their RACE. The statement “reverse racism is not a thing” lacks any kind of logic, since the ability to be racist or not isn’t determined by the race of the RACIST. So next time you try to utilize a tragedy and turn it into a socio-cultural debate where you slam white people for their privilege, think twice.

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